Well Dang.

I’ve been generally happier in the last few weeks than I have been in a long time. That’s a good thing. I’m less anxious than I have been in years. Another good thing. I have found a new church that seems to be a really good fit, and that makes me feel a lot better.

But today… just sucks. It does. And I’m not trying to be a whiney brat, but oh my gosh, today, it just feels like I can’t find it in me to be nice. Or cheerful. Or human.

I am grateful to have a place to live, but I desperately miss living on my own.
I am grateful to have friends I can message virtually all day, from all over the globe, but why can’t any of them live close enough to see in person?
I am grateful to be able to write a passable resume and to have the means to look for work, but why does it seem like every job I find is something that doesn’t seem to fit with my education, skill set, and experience?
I am grateful for Tylenol Sinus, but doesn’t the universe how how hard it is to deal with people and computers when I feel like someone hit me in the face with a baseball bat?

I am so close to losing my patience today. Mostly, it’s a matter of losing patience with myself. I am not good at being kind to myself, and today, it just seems like I am so very irritable at everything from the hole in the knee of my jeans to my bangs to the position of the sun in the sky that I start taking it out on myself. I kind of wish it was acceptable for grown-ups to have all-out temper tantrums right here in the middle of Starbucks just because the universe is unfair.

I don’t mean to whine at you. I guess I just had to be human for a minute. And to remind myself (and maybe you) that it’s OK to have stupid days.

Enough with all the annoying positive affirmations clogging up my Facebook feed by people who mean well but, if I’m honest, I kinda want to punch in the face today. Hooray for you if what gets you through the afternoon is an Instagrammed sunset with a verse from Philippians written across it. That’s not going to do it for me today. Instead, I’m going to let myself have a bad day, to eat the snowman cookie that I should skip, and spend the evening doing a lot of solitary nothing until I take some NyQuil and go to bed.


About BearsGrl8

I'm a geek, a "Supernatural" fangirl, a progressive, an introverted loud-mouth, a damn fine cook, a Bears fan, a Blackhawks fan, and a fantastic aunt.

Posted on December 1, 2014, in On Being a Woman and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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