Robin Williams, Baby Goats, and a Third Wheel

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A monarch butterfly feasts in the garden outside the Horticulture center at the Iowa State Fair

One of the earlier memories I have about Robin Williams (the man, rather than just as a character) is being told that he was incredibly brilliant, and with a very high IQ comes an increased risk of mental illness. I was told that while stunningly funny and phenomenally captivating, he also struggled with addiction and mental illness.

When I read the headlines everyone read this week, I was immediately heartbroken and a bit scared. Ok, initially a lot scared.

I was scared because while my diagnosis is different that his, my IQ is in the top <1% of the population,  like his was. Having a higher IQ means you think differently than those with an average IQ, and sometimes, that makes me wonder if I'm going crazy (only half seriously). Brains are tricky bastards, simultaneously letting you think that you're smart enough to not do something irrational and then letting part of your brain malfunction and let you think that the irrational thing IS rational.

His death reminded me that I have to keep working at my mental health because being smart enough isn't enough. I've never been suicidal, but when anxiety sets in, the dark hole is just as deep. So I ate better food again. Went to the gym again. And I took a friend up on his kinda-short-notice invitation to tag along to the state fair with his wife today.

BobbyJeff, as I've called him before, has been a very good friend, despite us not having met in person until today. I met him and his wife at their place and then went to the fair together. We walked in the perfectly-not-hot sunshine. We took pictures of flowers. I watched baby goats that weren't even two days old, and a calf who was a week old. I drank lemonade that wasn't lemony at all. I watched a free concert by The Romantics, a sleepy tiger show, and looked at art.

For the most part of today, I didn’t think of things that were stressing me out. I was able to be present, and that’s HARD with anxiety. It was so good for me.

BobbyJeff and his wife didn’t have to let me be the third wheel, but I’m grateful for the time spent with them. They’re funny, smart people, and pretty decent fair-going buddies. I didn’t ever feel like a third wheel, which is also amazingly rare.

There are things that could and should be done. Things that will get done tomorrow. Today, I had to take care of myself, because that’s the best hope I have for success. I’m not as good at taking care of myself as I should be, but cultivating that habit is already in progress.

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About BearsGrl8

I'm a geek, a "Supernatural" fangirl, a progressive, an introverted loud-mouth, a damn fine cook, a Bears fan, a Blackhawks fan, and a fantastic aunt.

Posted on August 14, 2014, in Anxiety, Friendship, Intelligence, On Being a Woman and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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